Jesus, I’m so happy this month is finally over. I have been running on fumes since Thanksgiving. My novel had taken the back burner to my job, which feeds my feelings of inadequacy, family obligations and the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. All a potent mixture that drags me down into my own personal tar pit. But now that the holiday season is winding down, and I had a few days to myself, I can breath easy again.
Now, I’m not the type of person who makes new years resolutions. I don’t really see the need in trying to commit to something new just because the year started over. I try to work on myself throughout the year. With that being said, the one goal that I made for myself this year (yes I know I just said I didn’t do these things) is to find more balance in my life. I’m one of those people to always bites off more that they can chew. I love trying new things and my house is often littered with half finished projects that often get pushed to the side when my life becomes crazy. Unfortunately, my job (special education teacher) means that my life will always be crazy. I need to find some semblance of balance with all the loves in my life.
On that note, I wish you all a Happy New Year! Here’s hoping it will be better than the last.
As an author, there’s nothing I love more than to create new, fantastic worlds from nothing. Well, almost nothing, most of stories in the world came from a tiny seed of thought. Whether it’s a scene playing out like a movie in your head (me) or just something that comes pouring out of you while your doing something else (also me), these ideas implant themselves into your mind and with careful nurturing, become the stories that we all know and love.
But that’s only one way.
The other way is not as pleasant. Some seeds implant but never sprout for one reason or another. Sometimes the only way to get them to do anything is through a complete and vicious destruction of everything around it. Now I know some people may balk at this idea but it’s the truth. Take was the ever talented Ms. Rowling said in her video here.
So plant your seeds whenever you can, in the best conditions and in the worst. You never know just what will become of them.
My life has become a roller coaster right now. My grandmother is not doing well and may be loosing her battle with cancer. Work has become a whole basket of crazy this year. And I’ve finally started to the get the clinical help that I need. So much is going on and so much is changing that writing or anything related to writing has taken a back seat. But while things haven’t gotten any better, the ride has gotten a little smoother.
Today I finally finished writing Frank Tales. I have been trying to write this children’s book for two years, but The Lost Guardian series has continually pushed it to the back burner. But now that Souls in the Dark is published, I have some time to dedicate to it. I still need to revise and make the illustrations but at least the hard part is done. I’m planning on having that book out by Christmas if I can help it.
I’ve also continued to outline Time of Prophecy. I’m not 100% sure I’ll stick with that title but it works for now. I don’t plan on starting the actual writing until after the first of the year. I want to give myself some time to catch up on some other projects and finish outlining. I haven’t even done a poem of the month for some time now.
Any who, time goes on and I struggle to keep my head above water. I just have to hold on until things smooth out a little more. It’s going to be rough, but I know I can do it. Stay wild my friends!
I had a melt down a couple of days ago. It was pretty bad. You see, I suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. They come and go with irregular frequency. The depression doesn’t last for very long, and I have good coping mechanisms so I don’t take medication. However, my anxieties are growing. The reason why I’m opening up like this is because I feel like I need too. So many people, and myself, have a hard time opening up about the darkness in our heads. I guess there’s a sense of shame because why can’t we be happy like everyone else. This sorta leads me up to my melt down.
I have never really been a healthy person. The only time I was was while I served in the military and even then, it wasn’t 100% healthy. I have some medical issues that have caused me to put on an unhealthy amount of weight and quitting smoking has also caused me to put on some pounds. My mental issues are exasperated by my weight issues and my weight issues are exasperated by my mental issues. See my problem here?
My only saving grace is my husband. Honestly, I don’t think I could have pulled myself out of the black whole of self-doubt if it wasn’t for him. He has seen me at my best and at my worst. We are trying to have a baby but have run into complications. Fertility medication hasn’t worked and now the doctors are going to see if all my parts are working right. I, however, believe that my weight is a major issue, so I have begun steps to remedy that.
I’m hoping that as I fix my body physically, my mind and perhaps my soul, will also pull themselves back together. It is an awful feeling, hating everything about yourself. I struggle to find one thing that I like about myself everyday. Sometimes it’s a physical thing, sometimes it’s something much deeper. I know talking about my troubles helps tremendously but more often than not, I choose to suffer in silence because I hate to be a burden on anyone. My husband tells me that I’m not, so I’ll have to take his word for it.
For any of you who are also suffering (civilian or veteran) please find someone that you feel like you can talk to without fear. Hell, message me and I’ll be your shoulder.
Until next time, my peoples!