If I didn’t have wine I wouldn’t make it.

No, I’m not being over dramatic, this month has been extremely draining both emotionally and physically.  At the beginning of the year, my Nana fell and fractured her hip.  She has yet to recover.  The past two months have been nothing but ups and downs.  She would get better for a little while and then suddenly we were rushing her back to the hospital.  We’ll we know the cause now, she has cancer.  I can’t tell you what kind because the doctors themselves don’t know.  They have no idea where it originated from, all they know is that she has a tumor on her hip, the same hip she injured.  She has lost what little weight she has and is really nothing more than skin and bones.  My dogs feel heavier than she does at this moment.  To make things worse, the doctors can’t operate because they don’t think she would survive it.  They also can’t tell us just how long we have left with her.  I’m angry, scared, and sad all at the same time.  All my relatives are talking about her having a fighting spirit, but when I look at her I can tell she’s tired of the pain, tired of having to fight, and is loosing what little dignity she has left.  I spent some time with her this weekend, along with most of my family.  I brought her some books to read whenever she felt up to it.  Everyone was surprised because no one had thought to bring her something to take her mind off the real world.  I just don’t know what to make of the whole thing.  But I guess the only thing that I got going for me is that this isn’t the first time I’ve lost someone to cancer.

On the other end of my life, work is getting extremely crazy.  We are starting the paper work for the kids who are going to the middle school.  I work with special needs children so it’s a little more complicated.  A few of them have sensory issues that are most likely not going to be met.  On top of that, all the kids are starting to go crazy due to a mix of raging hormones and the warmer weather.  We’re trying to prep for the EOGs but the county wants two more rounds of testing before we even get there.  BLAH!

 

Like I said in the title, if it wasn’t for wine, I don’t think I would have been able to hold on these past few weeks.  My pour husband is trying is best to be supportive, but he’s stressed out because he’s two weeks away from graduating himself.  It’s a lot going on.  I just have to remind myself to take deep breaths and to keep moving forward.   See ya’ll around.

 

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